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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.