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Worry: a waste of imagination.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.