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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.