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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.