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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.