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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.