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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors