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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.