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When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.