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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.