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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Partying on my level requires years of training.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.