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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.