Daily Silly Status

Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.

Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”

This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel

This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.

Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.

A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.

I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.

You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes

A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.

My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.

Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?

I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.

I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.