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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.