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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.