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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.