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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.