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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
Girls just wanna have funds.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window