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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.