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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
Safe words are for quitters.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about