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I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.