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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.