Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.