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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.