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According to my nipples, summer is over
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Save water- shower with me!
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?