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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.