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7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.