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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
How`d this get posted?
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...