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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"