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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.