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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: