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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..