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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.