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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!