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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.