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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.