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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.