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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
Please do not read this.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow