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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.