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It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.