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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.