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New day, same old bullsh!t
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?