Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.