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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.