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Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.