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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
Iām always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.