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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.