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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?