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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?