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I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.