Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
Smelling another person should be a choice.