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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.