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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.