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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.