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Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.