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I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!