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Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.